Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
