im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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