remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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