I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
