where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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