just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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