RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
