The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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