Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
