Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
