Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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