so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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