Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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