Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
