Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
