He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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