carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
