Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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