It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
