i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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