I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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