Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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