I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
