he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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