Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
