final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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