I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
