you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
