a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
