I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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