if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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