I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
