Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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