It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
