did you get engaged???
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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