I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
