i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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