I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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