I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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