This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
