oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
