She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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