this beer tastes like vomit already
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
