Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
