Soap is not a condiment
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
