She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
