i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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