I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
