Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
