Whod you bang
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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