for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
