I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
