Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
