After last night, I could never be a politician.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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