i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
