You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
