i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
