My first STD was from a foam party
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
