Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
