I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
