Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day

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  (973): yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day http://tfl.nu/9i5e
  Replies (13) Good night (1269) Bad night (2706)
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  (949): View more from California

  Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?

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  (949): Are you going to tell your therapist we boned? http://tfl.nu/8lv6
  Replies (26) Good night (3853) Bad night (742)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...

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  (781): I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer... http://tfl.nu/rcmz
  Replies (22) Good night (2905) Bad night (885)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance

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  (336): i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance http://tfl.nu/wpko
  Replies (10) Good night (6361) Bad night (1354)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?

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  (910): Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe? http://tfl.nu/5w16
  Replies (6) Good night (1566) Bad night (2066)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.

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  (501): Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/ddwi
  Replies (9) Good night (3742) Bad night (1150)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks

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  (218): If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks http://tfl.nu/wfaf
  Replies (6) Good night (1589) Bad night (732)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.

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  (205): First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined. http://tfl.nu/ei07
  Replies (4) Good night (1679) Bad night (1150)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.

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  (856): I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help. http://tfl.nu/4hfj
  Replies (1) Good night (601) Bad night (1458)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."

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  (270): how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards." http://tfl.nu/tgkg
  Replies (6) Good night (1850) Bad night (650)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder

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  (706): if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder http://tfl.nu/3zsu
  Replies (1) Good night (521) Bad night (830)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".

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  (972): We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away". http://tfl.nu/ker4
  Replies (1) Good night (1048) Bad night (506)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America

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  (301): I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America http://tfl.nu/e24l
  Replies (7) Good night (935) Bad night (383)
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  (212): View more from New York

  She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.

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  (212): She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her. http://tfl.nu/eh3i
  Replies (4) Good night (1214) Bad night (226)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.

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  (504): It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection. http://tfl.nu/5s3v
  Replies (1) Good night (261) Bad night (543)

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