Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

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(734): just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies" http://tfl.nu/wh5q

Replies (24) Good night (11572) Bad night (1789)
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(512): View more from Texas

Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.

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(512): Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on. http://tfl.nu/m8nk

Replies (11) Good night (1212) Bad night (3612)
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(510): View more from California

i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.

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(510): i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him. http://tfl.nu/wohd

Replies (16) Good night (720) Bad night (4649)
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(567): View more from Ohio

I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..

(1-567): View more from Ohio

How so?

(567): View more from Ohio

Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.

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(567): I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand.. (1-567): How so? (567): Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours. http://tfl.nu/38h3

Replies (9) Good night (1120) Bad night (4131)
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(509): View more from Washington

def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.

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(509): def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout. http://tfl.nu/bt4a

Replies (5) Good night (4258) Bad night (1122)
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(914): View more from New York

i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die

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(914): i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die http://tfl.nu/gzsu

Replies (11) Good night (4252) Bad night (956)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore

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(732): My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore http://tfl.nu/2pmj

Replies (38) Good night (5313) Bad night (1717)
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(330): View more from Ohio

we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.

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(330): we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it. http://tfl.nu/vxbj

Replies (3) Good night (708) Bad night (2093)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.

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(412): He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it. http://tfl.nu/j347

Replies (7) Good night (3137) Bad night (737)
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(406): View more from Montana

I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.

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(406): I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch. http://tfl.nu/qcd2

Replies (3) Good night (1839) Bad night (584)
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(513): View more from Ohio

It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle

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(513): It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle http://tfl.nu/f7n7

Replies (3) Good night (1097) Bad night (421)
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(404): View more from Georgia

It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!

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(404): It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs! http://tfl.nu/8k9t

Replies (4) Good night (737) Bad night (369)
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(757): View more from Virginia

You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.

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(757): You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part. http://tfl.nu/w83y

Replies (4) Good night (823) Bad night (418)
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(360): View more from Washington

I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.

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(360): I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this. http://tfl.nu/75ao

Replies (4) Good night (407) Bad night (586)
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(802): View more from Vermont

all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.

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(802): all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that. http://tfl.nu/3y8k

Replies (2) Good night (677) Bad night (341)

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