I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
