I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
