There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
