I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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