WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I will die if light touches me.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
