Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
