you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
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I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
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How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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