We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
