Just fell off a train. Bad.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
