Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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