great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
