i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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