this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
